This is going to be one of those “controversial” journal entries where everyone will have their own opinion on writing—including me. So with that, my disclosure is that this entry, like every other one, is strictly my opinion, and doesn’t mean that one idea is better than another person’s idea. Another disclosure will be that this journal entry is raw…meaning that the grammar may not be just right or I probably could have chosen better words or organization. But for this entry, it is the thoughts that I do not want to lose—and this is being written during my dissertation writing time—so I cannot spend much time “polishing” this piece. Yet, so much is swimming through my mind from yesterday’s writing training that I felt like I needed to capture what is on my mind.

It’s hard even the morning after to try to remember all I wanted to remember from yesterday, but some things have stuck with me. Listening to our guest speaker, I felt like I really connected with what she was saying—largely because I see myself as a writer now and understand the difficulties that come with writing. Maybe the best way for me to frame my thoughts is to share how I taught writing when I didn’t see myself as a writer and how I teach writing now that I see myself as a writer.

My pre-writing days (which has been most of my life):

I think I saw writing as a series of activities. There were all of the grammatical skills to teach. I would primarily teach all of those skills in isolation. There are the six traits of writing: ideas and content, organization, voice, word choice, sentence fluency, and conventions. Aren’t they all tidied up in a neat package where you can do a whole series of lessons on each of these six traits! Then there is the writing process. I think I got it that writing went through a process, but I didn’t understand the real process writing goes through. I took the writing process through a series of activities again: prewriting, drafting, revising, editing, publishing.

When I came to this district, I learned quickly to let go of the isolated concepts and the “story cycle.” Yes, it made sense. The reality of writing is that we do not “publish” every piece of writing. Doing that actually slows down the flow of writing and writing fluency.

But now I found myself having no “framework” for knowing how to teach writing. I didn’t have confidence in myself to know how to do it well. So I leaned on the district’s materials to help guide me, to help give me a framework to provide more authentic writing experiences. I was even able to just look in the book and restate the author’s words….heck, this author is MUCH more experienced than me as a writing teacher so she must know what she’s doing! I was using mentor texts to show students “ideals” of writing. I had anchor charts to help students through a more organic process of writing. Teaching writing felt good again.

Becoming a writer:

Sometimes change in people is obvious. Most times it evolves over years. Before I share how my writing instruction changed, I need to share how I personally viewed writing. I hated it! It was hard, and I definitely did not see myself as a writer. In fact, it paralyzed me so much that it took me ten years to finally get the courage to pursue my PhD because I was so fearful of the writing phase of the doctoral process. I would look at people around me and be in awe at how they can just come up with ideas. How could their fingers type so quickly across the keyboard when I struggled so much to just get that first word down on a piece of paper?!? I realized that my desire to get my degree was too great that I had to find a way to overcome my fear. I joined a teachers’ writing group back in 2008 with the goal of learning how to write. I needed to know the “tools” and “strategies” that writers use in order to complete a task. I was so off base back then by thinking those things. …and at that time, I had NO IDEA of how overcoming my fears as a writer would impact me as a writing teacher.

I began working closely with a writing professor in that teachers’ writing group, and I signed up to take her fall semester writing course. It was at that point that I began to learn at how “messy” writing really is. She gave us permission to “just write.” Don’t think too much about the structure or “rules”—JUST WRITE! I was still paralyzed because “just writing” meant that it was sloppy; it wouldn’t sound polished. People would hear my words and think that I was stupid. It took a couple of years being in that writing group to begin to feel comfortable to share my work with other people. Writing is such an emotional process.

Writing gets tough…

I didn’t realize how tough writing really was until two-three years ago when I began my writing comprehensive exams (and now my dissertation). Oh my goodness! I am not looking for pity, but let me tell you, it is BY FAR, the hardest thing that I have done in my life! I have a great writing partner, and together we have shared many moments of frustration, tears, anger, and moments of celebrations. Writing is SUCH an emotional process. IT IS HARD! It is messy! You write words one day only to “throw them away” the next day. Sometimes you just have to write things down in order to figure out what you are really trying to say. That is such a shift from my earlier days of trying to figure out the “just right” words from the beginning.

A writer teaching writing (last two years):

There is a fundamental shift that has happened in me as a writing teacher. I can TOTALLY understand now why writing teachers need to write. Teachers need to experience the same emotions as their students. They need to feel how hard writing actually is. They need to experience the messiness of it. I think that when teachers can actually do those things, they can better tap into the emotions that are involved with students and writing.

I spend so much more time now at the beginning of the year developing that safe space for students to write and to share their writing. I really understand the struggles of writing, because I experience those same struggles as the students. I can feel empathy for the student who is hesitant to share because she is afraid she will be judged because I live those same thoughts. The student that likes his story “just the way it is”—I get it. He worked really hard on developing those words and doesn’t want to “lose” them. I’ve been there.

Living the writing life right along with my students means that I can talk from a very sincere place. I can help illustrate the realities of a writer’s life.

I keep changing my writing instruction…

I certainly don’t have all the answers—or necessarily the best way to teach writing. The more I immerse myself with writing and writing instruction, the more questions and thoughts I have about teaching writing. This year I began with using many mentor texts to show exemplars of writing. At one point, I found myself pausing and asking myself, “Why am I doing this?” “Am I showing students the realities of how this author got to this point?” I pulled back a bit and JUST WROTE…in front of them. I showed them my thought process and how it was messy. Yes, I still use mentor texts, but I use more of a balance now. I think the point yesterday was so good: when we create our pretty charts and examples the night before, the students miss out on seeing our thoughts going into them. THAT’S THE HARD PART! That’s the part we need to show students. Great writing doesn’t magically happen. It happens through the “messiness” of drafting and drafting and drafting. We need so many opportunities to just write without the fear of too many rules or protocols or rubrics. Once we have that bank of writing, then we can take some of those pieces and find ways to develop them.

I am so much more purposeful about showing students the “messiness” of writing. I bring in actual pages from my “homework” (dissertation) and show them the crossed out lines and how I reworded sections. They appreciate this so much. “Whoa!” is a common response. It is so important to show them this side of writing too along with the neat and pretty mentor texts. Showing them the “messiness” gives them license to write with more freedom. I think that was the point being made yesterday when someone asked about rubrics and graphic organizers. I was that student…you gave me a graphic organizer or a rubric, and I focused SO MUCH on doing it JUST RIGHT. I wanted to please teachers. I wanted to get good grades. Having those tools showed me how I was suppose to do it the correct way. Hearing yesterday’s talk also made me stop and wonder if an overuse of some of those tools also helped to develop my fear of writing or contributed to my thoughts of not being a good writer. I thought the point yesterday was so spot on…if a student is struggling sometimes we want to give them “tools” to help them. Could that just reinforce that feeling of not doing well? Having alternative ways to help students see themselves as writers and acknowledging their feelings sounds more empowering. I also thought the point yesterday about filling out graphic organizers before writing could also stifle the writing process. What if you have filled out that organizer and then mid-stream in your story you want to change directions…it becomes a tension point that maybe wouldn’t have been there without the organizer. I have LIVED that experience where you are writing and then because of the act of writing you find yourself changing directions.

It’s not to say that organizers or rubrics are bad. I believe that they are good and do have their purpose. They are essential, in fact. …But introducing them later after students have had opportunities to build that writing fluency and confidence is maybe the better time to use them. Using mentor texts is still important. Students need to see great examples of writing to see what to strive for. But showing just as many examples of the struggled process is equally important too.

I looked at this journal entry as part of a writing process:

*It helped me to think deeper about writing instruction.

*It helped me to articulate my views and beliefs about teaching writing.

*It gave me practice writing: 1955 words my word doc file tells me

If I had looked at this journal as an activity:

*I would have been too concerned about the 6 traits and would not have taken the time to write it or share because it wasn’t “perfect.”

“Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere.” –Anne Lemott

“If you’re going to be a writer, the first essential is to just write. Do not wait for an idea. Start writing something and the ideas will come. You have to turn on the faucet before the water starts to flow.” –Louis L’Armour